A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  Acknowledgements

  Foreword

  Introduction

  Dating Like a Man’s Man

  Getting the Digits

  The First Date

  Tell the Ex to Go Home and Get His Shinebox!

  Going Steady

  Watching Movies Like a Man’s Man

  Gangster Flicks

  Western Flicks

  Sports Flicks

  War Flicks

  Smoking Cigars Like a Man’s Man

  What to Smoke

  Back to Basics

  Man’s Man Interview with Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore

  Mangia Like a Man’s Man

  Man’s Man Restaurants

  Your Mother’s Always the Best Cook

  That’s Entertaining

  Salud!

  Listening to Music Like a Man’s Man

  Top Man’s Man Music Legends

  Music Picks

  Man’s Man Interview with Steven Van Zandt

  Visiting Vegas Like a Man’s Man

  A Man’s Man Las Vegas History

  Top Ten Man’s Man Hotels

  Man’s Man Interview with James Caan

  Looking Like a Man’s Man

  The Looks

  Getting Past the Doorman

  Grooming

  Accessories

  Epilogue

  Frank Vincent Filmography

  Photo Credits

  About the Author

  They’re showing nothing but respect for A Guy’s Guide to Being a Man’s Man . . .

  “Frank Vincent’s a stand-up guy. Now, sit down and read!”

  —James Gandolfini

  “Old-school sexy . . . Frank Vincent’s a Renaissance man!”

  —Debi Mazar

  “Frank Vincent is not only a terrific actor—he’s also one helluva writer. Men should read this book and take lots of notes. Women should read it and take even more.”—Denis Leary

  “As an actor Frank Vincent always leaves an impression. This book is guaranteed to have the same effect.”—Ray Liotta

  “Frank Vincent takes you on an original and hysterical journey into the world of being a man’s man.”—Edie Falco

  “Disgustingly charismatic. Horrifyingly macho. Read it as soon as possible!”—Rosie Perez

  “Frank has always been someone I can count on to deliver as an actor. His warmth and sense of reality make him brilliant at improvisation and comic timing. Now, he has successfully ventured into the world of literature. I only hope that I’ll be able to drag him off the book circuit long enough to make another movie.”—Martin Scorsese

  “A lighthearted primer on old-school masculinity.”

  —New York Daily News

  “This tongue-in-cheek how-to book offers men advice on the finer things in life.”—Cigar Aficionado

  “This book covers everything from dating to smoking cigars, to dressing, to doing Las Vegas right, to treating women with respect.” —The Bergen Record

  “The official wiseguy’s guide to being a man’s man.”

  —Player Magazine

  “Frank Vincent, the endlessly classy (and often terrifying) character actor’s new book teaches you how to date, gamble, dress, eat, and smoke with style.”—Giant Magazine

  “Offers sartorial tips and advice on entertaining, cigar-smoking, cooking and manly music and movies.”—Newark Star-Ledger

  “Sly, funny, and elegantly mocking of the saturated self-help market.”—Total Film Magazine

  THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

  Published by the Penguin Group

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  Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  The recipes contained in this book are to be followed exactly as written. The publisher is not responsible for your specific health or allergy needs that may require medical supervision. The publisher is not responsible for any adverse reactions to the recipes contained in this book.

  While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  A GUY’S GUIDE TO BEING A MAN’S MAN

  Copyright © 2006 by Frank Vincent and Steven Priggé

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without

  permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of

  the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  BERKLEY is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  The “B” design is a trademark belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  eISBN : 978-0-425-21536-4

  http://us.penguingroup.com

  This book is dedicated to Frank and Mary Gattuso, who raised me to be a man’s man.

  “The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.”

  —Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Acknowledgments

  A special thank-you to Steven Priggé, who through his talent and unstoppable work ethic helped me make a longtime dream come true. I’d like to express my sincere gratitude to James Gandolfini, whose talent as an actor is unequaled, whose friendship is unconditional, and who took the time out of a busy schedule to write a warm and heartfelt foreword. I was very lucky to obtain insightful and informative interviews by three real man’s man friends—James Caan, Steven Van Zandt, and Vincent Pastore. I’m very grateful for the support—it means a lot. Thank you, Edie Falco, Ray Liotta, Debi Mazar, Denis Leary, and Rosie Perez for your faith and trust. I’m indebted many times over to Martin Scorsese; without his help I’d still be playing drums in Secaucus.

  I want to thank my wife, Katherine, whose vision and patience throughout this project kept me on course; Donato Mennella, for his photography, hard work, and for putting up with Katherine, Steven, and me; Gene Gabelli and Jim Beckner of Gabelli Studios for their time and patience; photographers Brian Hamill, Phil Caruso, Monica Drew, David M Warren, and Adolfo Gallela; Anthony Rose and Rachel Benoit of High Rollers for their hospitality; Jay Tarantino of Flowerama in Belleville, New Jersey, for her floral expertise; John Chibarro for the guidance on the recipes; Lou Silver, my friend and man’s man cigar mentor; Michael Herklots and the staff at Davidoff of Geneva, Madison Avenue, thank you for the great cigars and for making us feel rig
ht at home.

  Thanks to Melissa Prophet for her undying loyalty; Karen Federock Bongiorno for hanging in all these years; Mark Infante, my man’s man attorney; and Bill and Edwina Ramal (thanks, Bill, for the start).

  My appreciation goes to: Northeast Media Group, Ron Bard and Mitch Ducksworth, for their faith in our vision; the team at Putnam for a great job: David and Elizabeth Shanks; Leslie Gelbman; Marilyn Ducksworth; our editor, Denise Silvestro; Katherine Day; Carolyn Birbiglia; and Paul Dykerhoff.

  My love goes to: My daughters, Debra and Maria; my son, Tony; my sons-in-law, Tommy DeFranco and Jimmy Pomponio; and my grandchildren, Tori and TJ DeFranco; love also to Nick and Gayle, Jim and Elaine Gattuso and families; the Gattusos in Florida and Massachusetts; the Riccis from New Jersey; the Garfield Contes, Dr. Dan and Barbara, Dr. Ken, Dr. Dan III and Leslie; Stacy and Carl Susini; Jamie and Carl Kreshpane and family; Goodfellas’ head chef, Vincent, and managers Sam and Pam; and Peter Verdicchio of Stretch’s restaurant in Livingston, New Jersey.

  Most of all, thank you, Nanny, Poppy, Aunt Jean, and Uncle Jimmy for the memories.

  —Frank Vincent

  I want to start off by thanking the man’s man himself, Frank Vincent. It was a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you so well. I always thought you were a great actor, but now I know you’re a great person. A special thanks to James Gandolfini, who wrote a wonderful foreword that introduced this book with class. My gratitude also goes to Lina, Katherine, and my sister Dana for all of their creative help when we really needed a woman’s point of view; Donato Mennella (www.DonatoMennella.com) for taking such wonderful photographs; King, for revealing his tips on how to get past the velvet rope; and Michael Herklots of Davidoff of Geneva, Madison Avenue, who introduced me to the world of cigars with style.

  Many thanks to Ron Bard and Mitch Ducksworth (founders of Northeast Media Group), who made this project a reality; the hard-working team at Putnam, especially David and Elizabeth Shanks; Leslie Gelbman; Marilyn Ducksworth; our editor, Denise Silvestro; Katherine Day; Carolyn Birbiglia; and Paul Dykerhoff.

  Appreciation to Alan Priggé; Deanna Priggé; Robert Shoblock; Debi Mazar; Gabriele Corcos; Brian Hamill; Susan Priggé; Daniel Zinn; Lou Massaia; Eppie Ferrante; Keya Morgan; Alex Jimenez; Steve Vasak; Brigitte Starr; John Halko; Angel DeAngelis; D. K. Holmes; Steve Hochmuth; Rebecca H. James; Katie Schorling; Diamantis Nicols; Matthew Paratore; Sal Scognamillo; Bob Eckert at Wine Ventures; the crew at the Tenafly movie theater; Grant and Jill Nieporte; Elio and Jen Lombardi; Mike and Alana DeCosta; Joe and Gina Papeo; Ehren and Lauren Hozumi; Jeremy Wilson; and Nick Jewitt.

  Once again, my deepest gratitude to all the above people who helped on this journey called writing a book.

  —Steven Priggé

  Foreword

  The first time I saw Frank Vincent in a film was when Martin Scorsese’s Raging Bull was released in 1980. He played the part of Salvy, a suave-looking local gangster. In his very first scene where he’s walking down the street while talking with Joey La Motta (Joe Pesci), it was so realistic that it was as if Frank wasn’t acting. With a musical background of playing in nightclubs and being exposed to real “made men,” he was a man who didn’t just “know the world,” he was “of the world.” Raging Bull went on to be critically acclaimed as the film of the decade. It was one of the films that inspired me to become an actor.

  From Raging Bull onward, I became a Frank Vincent admirer. Frank’s Billy Batts character in Goodfellas is a classic. His performance at the end of Casino is guaranteed to give you the chills. Many of Frank’s movie performances are what I draw upon to portray Tony Soprano. In fact, I stole from all those guys who acted in those films.

  I’ll never forget the first time I met Frank. It was in 1996 on the set of Sidney Lumet’s Night Falls on Manhattan. I wanted to approach Frank and tell him I admired his work. Before I had the chance, Frank walked up to me, introduced himself, and shook my hand. He said, “One of my favorite movies of all time is True Romance. Your performance as Virgil was incredible.” When he told me those words, I felt like I had “made it” in some way. That was like Frank Sinatra telling me I sang good.

  Today, it’s come full circle. I now act with Frank on The Sopranos . What Frank brings to the part of Phil Leotardo is humor, charm, and smoothness. You know the kinda guy—you’re talking to him and the next thing you know there’s nothing in your wallet and your keys are gone! Tony Soprano and Phil Leotardo certainly butt heads, but offscreen we’re friends. Frank Vincent is nothing like his character. He has honor, loyalty, and respect. In between takes, we break each other’s balls. It’s always fun and an education.

  When we get a moment to sit down and talk, Frank has that rare and special gift of storytelling. His stories are reminiscent of my upbringing. We are both New Jersey-bred. Frank’s a family man, very much like my father was—a no-bullshit, to-the-point kinda guy. Their generation went through hard times and it helped them develop character and dignity. They have a no-nonsense work ethic and, most important, family comes first. They even look better in suits and hats than we do. They take the time to dress right. There’s an old saying that “clothes make the man.” In Frank’s case, as with many members of The Sopranos cast, it’s also what’s under the clothes that make the man.

  Frank has seen a lot in life. His wisdom can be found in every chapter of this book, designed to be passed on to generations to come. This one-of-a-kind book by this one-of-a-kind “goodfella” is hilarious and heartwarming at the same time. Frank Vincent’s a stand-up guy. Now sit down and read!

  James Gandolfini

  Introduction

  What’s a man’s man? Well, you could be one and not even know it. You could think you are one, and not even be close. Or, maybe you would like to be one and have no clue where to start. No worries, fellas. I’m here to show you how to be a real man’s man. I’m going to take you step by step so you can act, dress, walk, and talk the part.

  Who am I? I’m the guy on the cover. Seriously, though, you might remember me from the roles I have played in hit films like Raging Bull, Do the Right Thing, Casino, and Copland. Or maybe you’ve seen the hit HBO TV series The Sopranos, where I play New York mob capo Phil Leotardo. However, most people remember when I played the infamous Billy Batts from Martin Scorsese’s Goodfellas. I tell Joe Pesci’s character those famous words: “Go home and get your shinebox!” From those tough guy characters, and from some of the special men I’ve had the honor of knowing, I’ve learned how to be a real man’s man. And now, fellas, I’m going to teach you.

  A man’s man has certain traits that separate him from the pack. A man’s man is loyal. A man’s man has integrity. A man’s man projects honor and respect. A man’s man is tough. A man’s man is loving. A man’s man is funny. A man’s man is always groomed to perfection. It is also very important that when a man says he’s going to do something, he does it. A man’s man never breaks his promise. In business, when a man’s man shakes another man’s hand, it’s a deal (but get a signed contract). What is an example of a man’s man? A soldier. He has sworn an oath to do what he has to do to serve his country and its people, even if that means putting his life on the line. However, a man’s man also has to have the ability to be vulnerable, which by the way, is very appealing to women. A man’s man is not just a fighter, he’s a lover, too!

  As a child, I learned how to be a man’s man by example. The man’s man in my life was my father. He was strong, worked hard, and acted like a man should. He was very handsome and smooth, and took pride in his appearance. My father dressed beautifully and smelled great—he was always groomed to perfection. As I said, a man’s man’s appearance is very important to him. Sure, my father had his faults like everyone else, but he was a good person. He worked hard, was a true entrepreneur, and owned many businesses. In fact, as a young boy, I helped him by sweeping the floor of his dress factory. Later, I worked as a mechanic at his gas station before I did a stint in the U.S. Army.

&
nbsp; I grew up in a blue-collar neighborhood in Jersey City, New Jersey. Our family was a minority because we were one of the only Italian-American families in a neighborhood of mostly Irish-Americans. I have two brothers, and my father treated all of us kids very well, which is another important quality of being a man’s man. I remember one time, I was playing touch football on the street and we were making some noise. A father of one of the kids who was playing came out of his house, got mad, and shoved me. Over dinner that evening I mentioned it to my father. Without hesitation, my father went over to the man’s house, pulled him right out into the street and said, “Next time you want to push somebody, try me!” A man’s man protects his family. Growing up in the street, you had to be strong and you couldn’t take shit from anyone, and my father didn’t. That’s what impressed me most about him.

  Being a man’s man has served me well in my own life. For one thing, it has given me the confidence and ability to try many different things professionally. I’ve always loved music: I started performing in school plays when I was five years old, and at nine, I built a stage in the basement of my mother’s house and produced my own children’s shows. I studied piano, trumpet, and drums. Soon after, the drums took center stage. I joined a band and later started my own band called Frank Vincent and the Arist-O-Cats. We played to a packed house almost every night at the hottest clubs. During my music career, I was also a studio drummer and played with such prominent people as Don Costa, Paul Anka, Del Shannon, and Trini Lopez. Then, in 1969, I met Joe Pesci and we played music together. Joe and I had a big following and were quite successful. Director Ralph DeVito saw us, and, in 1975, cast Joe and me in his movie Death Collector. That was my feature film acting debut and it started a whole new chapter in my life. Martin Scorsese saw me in that movie, liked my work, and cast me in the 1980 Academy Award nominated film Raging Bull, and the rest is film history!